100 Days 2010.52 My Father's Passing

Please view my inspiration piece at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/352

The following piece is the eulogy my sister and I wrote and she read at my father's funeral in November of 2007. The "I" in the eulogy is my sister Colleen who had to read it instead of me as I was stricken speechless by a nasty case of swollen tonsils and bronchitis. Let me introduce you to a few of the characters mentioned by name. There is Scott, my sister's ex-husband (they were still married at the time), Rich, my husband, and Babcie, my grandmother and father's mother who had already suffered the untimely loss of her husband when he was only 59. If this project were like American Idol and you, the reader, were like Simon Cowell, you would definitely critique this piece as "self-indulgent" but it is a tribute to a man I love and miss and I'm going to write it anyway.

Eulogy (Words for Daddy)

If there was only one thing we could tell you about our father, it is that he is a big man with an even bigger heart. A heart that was filled with joy and love and caring for his family. He could be a little tough to love back sometimes, you had to come to the table accepting certain ideas about him as absolute truths: he was always the smartest man in the room, he always knew the best way to do things, and of course, he was always right, and no one would ever defeat him at our annual Christmas Trivial Pursuit game.

He had the exterior of a grizzly bear, with a soft teddy bear interior. Our father was the most generous man in the world and he was always there to help friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers alike. He would always rake Babcie's leaves every fall and take her on mother/son trips to the dump with a few minutes of quiet conversation on the ride to and from. You could always count on Dad to ready with his pick up truck or van to move people back up to school in Easton, Boston, Albany, and once even all the way to Ohio.

I can't imagine how strange it must have been to grow up with two brothers and then raise two daughters. He was happy to receive into his life two sons-in-law that he could include in his family circle. First Scott, finally someone to drink beer with and discuss lawn care and car repair. Then Rich, someone to drink wine with and discuss computers and bowling. It's worth noting also, that when our dad got an idea in his head, there was no stopping him, like when he just had to get a certain large sized lawn mower for Scott to mow our average sized lawn.

He also loved taking his family out to dinner for any celebration or no celebration at all. He had just as much fun at a lavish dinner for seven for our mother's 55th birthday at Morton's as he did a a slightly less lavish dinner for 15 for Cathryn's 30th birthday at one of his favorite places, The East Side Restaurant during Oktoberfest. Believe us, no one could "hoy, hoy, hoy" better than Dad. Probably his favorite dinner outings were for no great celebration at all, just dinner for 3 or 4 or 5 Thursdays at Kid's Eat Free Night at IHOP with his wife, his granddaughter, and sometimes Scott and I, or Auntie Cathryn.

No discussion of our Dad's generosity and love for his family would be complete without mentioning a certain family vacation to Orlando when we were teenagers. He piled himself, our mother, us, our cousin Kim, and a case of Snapple Grapeade into an 86 Buick Park Avenue and we were Florida bound. We ate breakfast together everyday and then he let the three of us loose in Disney World with lunch money and nothing else but a promise to meet promptly at five for dinner. Besides making our childhood dreams come true, Dad was obviously making some of his own come true as well. We were amused to see him whooshing down water slides with reckless abandon and telling us that we just had to try them. Cathryn wanted me to tell you this: On the last day at Epcot Center when she had run out of her own spending money because she bought souvenirs for everyone back home, Dad insisted on giving her $20 to buy something for herself.

There was nowhere our father's generosity was more evident than when it came to spoiling the women in his life. Ge treated our mother like a queen, always cutting out articles about the church for her, taking care of all things around the house large and small: from the lawn to recycling to starting dinner and cutting out coupons. He always wanted to find the perfect gift for her like this April when he dragged me and Elizabeth all around Michael's until he found the perfect butterfly bracelet for their 35th anniversary. He also adored his mother and bought her a beautiful wooden gilder for her to sit on and enjoy her backyard. Just this past Christmas, he could barely contain his excitement as he presented us and Mom with gift certificates to enjoy a relaxing day at the spa together. There was no one, however, he loved to spoil more than his pride and joy, the light of his life, his granddaughter Elizabeth. He relished almost weekly trips with her to Stew Leonard's to enjoy the shows and samples, first birthday gifts of two swimming pools, a sand box, and of course, her very own pint-sized UConn folding chair for someday joining Grandpa in tailgating. He was looking forward to a couple of years from now when she would be old enough to bring to the UConn women's basketball games.

We were lucky to benefit from the knowledge and experience of the smartest man on earth for the last 29 and32 years. Here is just a short sampling of what we learned: how to drive on the highway well and how to drive a stick poorly. He helped us with first cars and first jobs and taught us to always enjoy a good meal and good wine, and he taught us how to over tip. He taught us the perfect ratio on a vodka gimlet, not the traditional 3 to 1, but a much stronger 6 to 1. He taught us the best way to rake leaves and to crack dozens of eggs at the restaurant. He taught us all the words to the UConn fight song, how to throw the perfect tailgate, and how to root with passion for his alma mater. We learned to share his love of a variety of music from Springsteen to Beethoven to jazz and country. Most importantly he taught us these things: He taught us that patience and forgiveness in love are the key ingredients in a happy marriage. He taught us that family is above all else and you will always be there for each other no matter what. With his sudden and unexpected passing we have learned to savor and enjoy every precious moment with those you love. We love you Daddy.