100 Days 2010.61 Appearances

Appearances(Elizabeth Through the Looking Glass)

100 Days 2010.60 Birthday

Please view my inspiration piece at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/379

Birthday

100 Days 2010.59 Entrance

Please view my inspiration pieces at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/375
http://mmducharme.wordpress.com/


Entrance


Please click on the You Tube link and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8heaGSNM_y8

100 Days 2010.58 They Were So Young

Please view my inspiration pieces at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/372
http://100daysphotographs.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-58-july-18th-2010.html

They Were So Young

100 Days 2010.57 Bridge

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/369


Bridge

Please click on the You Tube link and enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl-SStES0Jk

100 Days 2010.56 Point the Way

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/366

Point the Way

100 Days 2010.55 Someone

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/363

Someone

100 Days 2010.53 Wander

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/356

Wander


Please click on the You Tube link and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W9dW26CjXE

100 Days 2010.52 My Father's Passing

Please view my inspiration piece at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/352

The following piece is the eulogy my sister and I wrote and she read at my father's funeral in November of 2007. The "I" in the eulogy is my sister Colleen who had to read it instead of me as I was stricken speechless by a nasty case of swollen tonsils and bronchitis. Let me introduce you to a few of the characters mentioned by name. There is Scott, my sister's ex-husband (they were still married at the time), Rich, my husband, and Babcie, my grandmother and father's mother who had already suffered the untimely loss of her husband when he was only 59. If this project were like American Idol and you, the reader, were like Simon Cowell, you would definitely critique this piece as "self-indulgent" but it is a tribute to a man I love and miss and I'm going to write it anyway.

Eulogy (Words for Daddy)

If there was only one thing we could tell you about our father, it is that he is a big man with an even bigger heart. A heart that was filled with joy and love and caring for his family. He could be a little tough to love back sometimes, you had to come to the table accepting certain ideas about him as absolute truths: he was always the smartest man in the room, he always knew the best way to do things, and of course, he was always right, and no one would ever defeat him at our annual Christmas Trivial Pursuit game.

He had the exterior of a grizzly bear, with a soft teddy bear interior. Our father was the most generous man in the world and he was always there to help friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers alike. He would always rake Babcie's leaves every fall and take her on mother/son trips to the dump with a few minutes of quiet conversation on the ride to and from. You could always count on Dad to ready with his pick up truck or van to move people back up to school in Easton, Boston, Albany, and once even all the way to Ohio.

I can't imagine how strange it must have been to grow up with two brothers and then raise two daughters. He was happy to receive into his life two sons-in-law that he could include in his family circle. First Scott, finally someone to drink beer with and discuss lawn care and car repair. Then Rich, someone to drink wine with and discuss computers and bowling. It's worth noting also, that when our dad got an idea in his head, there was no stopping him, like when he just had to get a certain large sized lawn mower for Scott to mow our average sized lawn.

He also loved taking his family out to dinner for any celebration or no celebration at all. He had just as much fun at a lavish dinner for seven for our mother's 55th birthday at Morton's as he did a a slightly less lavish dinner for 15 for Cathryn's 30th birthday at one of his favorite places, The East Side Restaurant during Oktoberfest. Believe us, no one could "hoy, hoy, hoy" better than Dad. Probably his favorite dinner outings were for no great celebration at all, just dinner for 3 or 4 or 5 Thursdays at Kid's Eat Free Night at IHOP with his wife, his granddaughter, and sometimes Scott and I, or Auntie Cathryn.

No discussion of our Dad's generosity and love for his family would be complete without mentioning a certain family vacation to Orlando when we were teenagers. He piled himself, our mother, us, our cousin Kim, and a case of Snapple Grapeade into an 86 Buick Park Avenue and we were Florida bound. We ate breakfast together everyday and then he let the three of us loose in Disney World with lunch money and nothing else but a promise to meet promptly at five for dinner. Besides making our childhood dreams come true, Dad was obviously making some of his own come true as well. We were amused to see him whooshing down water slides with reckless abandon and telling us that we just had to try them. Cathryn wanted me to tell you this: On the last day at Epcot Center when she had run out of her own spending money because she bought souvenirs for everyone back home, Dad insisted on giving her $20 to buy something for herself.

There was nowhere our father's generosity was more evident than when it came to spoiling the women in his life. Ge treated our mother like a queen, always cutting out articles about the church for her, taking care of all things around the house large and small: from the lawn to recycling to starting dinner and cutting out coupons. He always wanted to find the perfect gift for her like this April when he dragged me and Elizabeth all around Michael's until he found the perfect butterfly bracelet for their 35th anniversary. He also adored his mother and bought her a beautiful wooden gilder for her to sit on and enjoy her backyard. Just this past Christmas, he could barely contain his excitement as he presented us and Mom with gift certificates to enjoy a relaxing day at the spa together. There was no one, however, he loved to spoil more than his pride and joy, the light of his life, his granddaughter Elizabeth. He relished almost weekly trips with her to Stew Leonard's to enjoy the shows and samples, first birthday gifts of two swimming pools, a sand box, and of course, her very own pint-sized UConn folding chair for someday joining Grandpa in tailgating. He was looking forward to a couple of years from now when she would be old enough to bring to the UConn women's basketball games.

We were lucky to benefit from the knowledge and experience of the smartest man on earth for the last 29 and32 years. Here is just a short sampling of what we learned: how to drive on the highway well and how to drive a stick poorly. He helped us with first cars and first jobs and taught us to always enjoy a good meal and good wine, and he taught us how to over tip. He taught us the perfect ratio on a vodka gimlet, not the traditional 3 to 1, but a much stronger 6 to 1. He taught us the best way to rake leaves and to crack dozens of eggs at the restaurant. He taught us all the words to the UConn fight song, how to throw the perfect tailgate, and how to root with passion for his alma mater. We learned to share his love of a variety of music from Springsteen to Beethoven to jazz and country. Most importantly he taught us these things: He taught us that patience and forgiveness in love are the key ingredients in a happy marriage. He taught us that family is above all else and you will always be there for each other no matter what. With his sudden and unexpected passing we have learned to savor and enjoy every precious moment with those you love. We love you Daddy.

100 Days 2010.54 Perusals

Please view my inspiration piece at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/359

Perusals

Please click on the You Tube link to view the video and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpJP-4Xv_bc

100 Days 2010.51 Something

Please view my inspiration pieces at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/348

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/39





Earlier in this 100 Days project, John Timmons posted a beautiful short film entitled "Cloud". At the time I was current with the project and wanted to put my piece up immediately. I thought the film was gorgeous but was not inspired to write anything based on it nor any of the other pieces that had already been completed based on the film. It was late on a cloudless night so there was nothing outdoors I could photograph to tie in with the piece. I experimented with capturing clouds of smoke from extinguished candle flames but was not quick or skilled enough to capture anything to my satisfaction. In order to just get my piece done, I photographed the smoke from my cigarette, named it "Cloud" and slapped it up on the blog. The piece was done but I was not happy with it, despite a rarely given comment by Steve Ersinghaus on the piece. A few days later, I captured this scene on film in homage to the original work by John Timmons. I am putting it up today, and that, to me, is something.



Please click on the You Tube link to see the video and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_wNTH2Semo

100 Days 2010.50 Holes

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/218

Holes

100 Days 2010.49 Passing

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/333

Passing

Once again, video upload issues. Maybe I should think about a different platform for this blog as I intend to make more videos for the rest of the project. Anyway, please click on the You Tube link and enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kV6URZe_LiA

100 Days 2010.48 The Act of Changing Location

Please view my inspiration piece at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/345

The Act of Changing Location

100 Days 2010.47 Wish Tree

Please view my inspiration piece at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/331

Wish Tree


I plucked a tag from my
Wish tree and sent it out
Into the ether like a
Dandelion parachute

It fluttered away and
Landed at your feet
"I wish to be a mother"
You ground it into the dirt

I picked another wish
Rolled it into a bottle in the ocean
It washed ashore unread
"I wish to be left alone."

I ripped down a third wish
And thrust it into your hands
"I wish for you to hear me."
You turned around in silence

100 Days 2010.46 Posing

Please view my inspiration piece at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/328

Posing

100 Days 2010.45 Flow

Please view my inspiration piece at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/320

Flow

100 Days 2010.44 4th of July

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/324

The current bout of major depression that I am currently working through really kicked in Fourth of July weekend so I missed the usual family festivities, but I think this picture captures the same spirit.

4th of July-Actually Memorial Day

100 Days 2010.43 Concentrate

Please view my inspiration pieces at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/228
http://steveersinghaus.com/mediaplay/?p=880
http://onehundredpoems.wordpress.com/2010/07/04/043-years-ago/

Concentrate

After my car got towed while I was having a long, languid dinner on the patio of Tisane drinking black currant green tea, I waited outside the restaurant with my friend Mark for my husband to pick me up. He was drinking green tea lemon drop martinis out of a rectangular pitcher known as a "vessel". After about twenty minutes of waiting, he left me to go to the bathroom. "If Jon Smith shows up while I'm in the bathroom, tell him I said hello" he said before making his way through the crowd. Funny, I thought, my husband's name is Rich Esten. Jon Smith is a man I had an unrequited love affair for years before I met and started dating my future husband. Through his lemon drop martini haze I made him concentrate and remember that I am not married to Jon Smith, I am married to Rich Esten and in a matter of moments Rich Esten would show up like a knight in a shining Nissan Versa to pick me up and bring me to get my car, $160 cash in hand.

If I close my eyes and concentrate, however, I can still remember the precious magical moments when I was my old self and thought a future with Jon by my side was still possible. Improbable, but possible. If I concentrate I can remember: his hand reaching for mine during a Smashing Pumpkins concert at Madison Square Garden, him blowing smoke from the joint he just inhaled from pursed lips into my open mouth, the feel of his arms around me in a white undershirt that smelled like Tide as he hugged me hello or goodbye, the feel of his lips on mine as he lay drunk on the hood of my great Aunt Ena's 1986 Buick Park Avenue on a Hollywood perfect summer night and lightening coursed through my veins, and millions of other moments large and small that are part of my old life. If I close my eyes and concentrate hard enough it is a fall day in 1996 and we are skipping Intro to Philosophy to go on a "bone ride" and drive til we get lost and I am happy.

100 Days 2010.42 Path

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/317

Path

100 Days 2010.39 No One Would Wonder

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/307

And No One Would Wonder


If I didn't call
If I didn't write the note
If I did nothing at all
If I didn't show up tomorrow
No one would wonder
Because they would already know

100 Days 2010.41 H2O

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/314

H2O

100 Days 2010.40 The Smile

Please view my inspiration piece at:


http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/309





This is a tribute to my friend Mary who was my lucky charm tonight.

The Smile

100 Days 2010.38 Valley of the Shadow of Death

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/244

The Valley of the Shadow of Death

100 Days 2010.37 Drops

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/45

Drops

100 Days 2010.36 I'm Not Listening

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/178

I'm Not Listening

100 Days 2010.35 Duality

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/240

Duality

100 Days 2010.34 Hands

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/175

Hands

Last photo courtesy of Christy Benoit

100 Days 2010.33 Seymour, Feed Me

Seymour, Feed Me

100 Days 2010.32 Out of Reach

Please view my inspiration pieces at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/226
http://100days2010.blogspot.com/

Out of Reach

100 Days 2010.31 Everything Counts

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/223

Everything Counts

100 Days 2010.30 Fathers Day

Please view my inspiration piece at:


http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/186





Father's Day





What can I tell you about my father? What should I tell you about my father? I can tell you what his former boss at the Waterbury Observer had to say about him in his moving tribute after his untimely death. It tells one side of a multi-faceted story, I could tell you about some of the other facets. My dad once beat me because I came home from school and had not yet learned how to tell time. I can still see the clock in the living room of our first Bristol house, wooden with painted numbers and decorative wrought-iron handles. I can still hear him asking me to tell him what time it was as he shook me and I cried because I didn't know. When I remember back to this incident, my "memory" tells me it was probably quarter to six or so.





In August of 1995 my father had achieved one of the items on his life checklist. He finally had enough money to take his family to Disney World. I was eighteen my sister sixteen, and my cousin Kim who we brought along was fifteen. After I spent all my money buying souvenirs for my friends back home and had nothing for myself, my father gave me $20 to buy something for myself. I went to the Mexico section of Epcot and bought myself a blanket. I can still see it (before I lost it in a house fire) woven with all the colors of the rainbow with black "native" designs. In my memory, it was the most beautiful blanket I've ever owned.





The first time my parents met boyfriend who would become the man I am married to today, the evening started out pleasant enough with dinner at the Olive Garden. We then proceeded to a first or second round Women's NCAA tournament game at Gampel Pavilion to watch the Lady Huskies kick butt. He had two pairs of tickets, one for him and my mother, and one for Rich and I. Our seats were at the opposite end of the court and from where we would be meeting up to leave after the game. The game turned out to have a surprisingly close score so we stayed in our seats until the final buzzer when UConn eventually prevailed. We walked through the crowd to find only my mother waiting. For reasons to this day I cannot recall, my father spent the entire ride from Storrs to Bristol screaming at us "What the fuck? When the game is over you get up and go, you don't fuck around." It is a testament to my husband's unwavering love that we are still together as I spent the entire ride praying for the car door to open up so I would fly out and be crushed by an 18 wheeler on 84 East.





In February of 2007, only two months before I was to be married my father invited me to the Civic Center, this time just him and I to watch the UConn men this time. We sat high up and he used the binoculars my sister and I had bought him to show me the close up seats his friends who were boosters and season ticket holders had. I remember running into his younger brother with his son-in-law and how my engagement ring sparkled under the bright Hartford Civic Center lights. Earlier, he treated me to dinner at Mayor Mike's and I nervously asked him whether it would be OK to be walked down the aisle at my wedding by both he and my mother instead of just him. He surprisingly responded yes, of course, it was my wedding and I could do what I wanted and he supported me.





Six months and two weeks after he walked me down the aisle and danced with me to "I Loved Her First" he died in his sleep of unknown causes at the age of 57 after 35 years of marriage, two daughters, and one granddaughter who changed him into a man I never could have imagined in the second grade. I think about him every day.





This is a picture of me and my father:
Photo courtesy of Christy Benoit.

100 Days 2010.29 Cinema is Life

Please view my inspiration pieces at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/169
http://steveersinghaus.com/mediaplay/?p=834


Once again my video will not upload so please click the link to watch it on You Tube and enjoy!

Cinema is Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H148kpmZhog

100 Days 2010.28 The New Team

The New Team

100 Days 2010.27 The English Patient

Please view my inspiration pieces at:
http://steveersinghaus.com/mediaplay/?p=830
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/210



The English Patient



She watches the English Patient and she can't get the words scribbled on the wrinkled remnants of the Christmas cracker, the same kind they pull paper crowns, plastic toys, and silly jokes out of every year in Simsbury on Christmas day. "Crimes committed in peace time are nothing compared to crimes committed in times of war." Was that the exact quote? She couldn't be sure but she knew what it meant anyway. She wonders if he has any idea the great power small sentences from him have over her, He manages to break her heart into millions of shards and pick them up again within less than twenty words. But he shouldn't be the one with power over her heart. It troubled her that even though her heart sped up, it was very easy to breathe when she was near him. It could be ten years ago and Jon all over again. Well, she had told Shawn that she had figured out the secret to time travel.

100 Days 2010.26 Five

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/215

Mental Interior Design Pieces:


1.)The time I asked my dad if he was on the warpath and he replied "Now I am."

2.)The nicknames I was given in junior high and high school.

3.)The night in Costa Rica my sexual identity began to take shape for all the wrong reasons.

4.)The time I walked into Jon's house to find him in bed with Marie.

5.)The time my dad missed my college graduation because it was too hot and crowded inside.

100 Days 2010.25 Perfect Moment

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/203




The perfect moment: I walked out on the balcony of the spa at Bellagio, freshly waxed (I can't believe I lost the bet) and there in the atrium surrounded by hydrangeas, hyacinths, and tulips and carnation sculptures of lady bugs, frogs, and snails, there you stood. You didn't have to be there at that moment, you could have been anywhere: a bar, a store, the blackjack table where you won the purple chip you were giddy with anticipation to show me in your pocket, but you were not at any of those places at that moment. Maybe it was honeymoon bliss but seeing you there in that moment felt like all I needed then and forever and I was sure in my heart it was the same for you.

100 Days 2010.24 The Search For Meaning

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/201

The Search For Meaning

100 Days 2010.23 Dear Jon

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/42


4/25/2005
Dear Jon,
Listen, I really don't think this whole situation is working out for me. I am beginning to get too upset when you don't call me back and that is something I don't need right now. I thought we could hang out, have a good time,whatever, but it has to be both of us that want to do that not just me and then you whenever you remember or feel like being bothered or whatever. I don't mean to sound harsh or turn this in to some kind of melodrama because that is exactly what I am trying to avoid. We both deserve to be treated with respect and if I haven't been treating you that way I apologize sincerely. Our "relationship" has always been tough to navigate for me and I'm afraid that I have just run into my last iceberg. Meanwhile if the reason why you have not called me back is something stupid like you fell asleep during Cold Case and I am turning this into a melodrama for no good reason I'm sorry but maybe it was for the best anyway... I hope I have been some kind of good moment in your life- a break from the ordinary,something- as you have been a good moment in mine. That has always been my heartbreak with you: an extraordinary moment followed by several more ordinary disappointing ones. I'm sure this email will either piss you off or amuse you greatly, but whichever it is I hope at least you get a song out of it...

Cathryn

100 Days 2010.22 Phone Call

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/181



Phone Call

I called you just to see if you would come.

I called you just to see if you would come and you did.

I called you just to see if you would come, you did and you paid.

I called you just to see if you would come, you did, you paid, but after you came, you made me bring back the room key.

Even though I know that if I call you just to see if you will come you will come and you will pay I will not call you again.

100 Days 2010.21 Sullen Ride

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/184

Sullen Ride

100 Days 2010.20 Forever

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/196

Forever


Forever? How long is that?
Until you die or I die or
You leave for someone who isn't crazy
And never has a headache?
Did we even say forever on the day that forevers are make to be broken?
I will love you forever.
Forever. How long is that?

100 Days 2010.19 Thank You

Please view my inspiration pieces at:

http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/198

http://steveersinghaus.com/mediaplay/?p=808

Thank you-you know who you are.

100 Days 2010.18 Pretty Things

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/165

Pretty Things

Blogspot will not let me upload the video right now so I have uploaded it to YouTube and included the link. I will replace the link with the video as soon as possible. Please enjoy!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXL1YtHXex0

100 Days 2010.17 Bad Neighborhood

Bad Neighborhood
(For Elsa)

Tumultuous thoughts, emotionally fraught
Tornadoes of pain, tears like rain
Go towards the good,
Turn from your bad neighborhood

Did you do what you could, did you do what you should?
Don't let questions take you to your bad neighborhood.

Torrents of fear and doubt,
You need to find a way out.
Step on the gas, slam down the hood
And drive away fast from your bad neighborhood.

100 Days 2010.16 The Stairs

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/172

The Stairs

My first attempt at setting up a photograph with a person and objects. Please be gentle.

100 Days 2010.15 The Message

Please view my inspiration piece at:
http://johntimmons.com/video/archives/36




The Message

Leaving the message
Receiving the message
Hearing the message
Mishearing the message
Ignoring the message
Imploring the message

I've traveled these roads by night and by day
You have too but not seen them the same way
My exit has passed
My surprise won't last

Insisting the message
Resisting the message
Erasing the message
Chasing the message